Tuesday, August 19, 2008

yeah! i did it! wooo-hoo! i've put off having a blog for entirely too long. i've seen some really creative blogging around, and am eager to get started now. Sooooo, hear i am, both footsies, jumping in!
lately i've been juggling family, work, my art (aka my REAL work), and an increase of social commitment (via my real work). i've really been digesting the affect this flurry of activity is having on me .. family (as always) is super supportive of me growing in the arts. they know it's my "thing," but i know they would like to see me schedule more carefully. budget my time better. work. i am so incredibly fortunate to have the job i do. could there be another job that allows me to have the insane lifestyle i have? really? my REAL work, my art work is much more productive. all of the activity has given my art some deadlines, and so far i've met them! i'd still like for my pace to be quicker, my decisions about a piece more decisive, but i'll get there.
the social commitment .. i can't say it's a bad experience. i'm interfacing with a number of personalities, and that's challenging. i find that i'm either too harsh and straight forward, or over empathizing. once in a while harmony is struck with another, but i can't say i hear music yet! there seem to be very few people who are who they seem to be. who are willing to put their cards on the table and accept the risk. i don't exclude myself from this group at all, but i find myself disheartened by the reality of it. worse, i find that my gut reaction to it all is retreat. why is that, and why does it even matter? do i need the permission of others to be myself? would i even ask for it? yet, somehow i have - otherwise why the desire to retreat?

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